and that five-letter word.

**double post for the occasion**

Take-a-hint: I think some people can relate to me when I say this but, birthdays are such a stressful time for me. It's not the age factor that gets me (surprise, surprise), but truthfully, I get really selfish. Not in the sense that it's a time where it's all about me, me, me and more presents for me, me, me. Generally, I'm neutral when it comes to celebrations, I mean, if it brings on more fun and smiles, I say "bring it on!" But whenever the celebration concerns me, I'm not that festive because most the time I don't think I'm worth celebrating for. But if it meant people could use it as a reason for some fun and relaxation, then I'd definitely go to the trouble. 

it's not a secret that I'm spilling this, because I've asked around (and it's like this every year), I get replies like "it's your birthday really, you don't have to do anything." But, anyone who'd honestly read me can see how much of a guilt trip I'd go through. Eventually, in one way or another, I'd end up wondering when did the subject became ALL about me. So there, selfish. And then on top of that, I only realize how stupid I'm being about it all, because *light switch* it is my birthday. Stress, right? 

at times like these, I wish (more like resolute that) someone would physically be there for me, someone I can look to for some reassurance, so I wouldn't feel so burnt out every year (this is my less visible vulnerable side showing, and I don't let it get the better of me), this year to the point of physical exhaustion. I'm smarter to think like this, because I do get by with people never really going out of their way for me unless I'd think it was totally necessary for the both of us. TLC is wishful thinking for me, I grew up that way (I'm a hard egg to crack). And respectfully I know better. This is my (and mostly God's) reasoning to why I always offer (or feel compelled to) do something - a little TLC, so that nobody has to go through the same self-loathing I did.

Now, this doesn't mean that there is no one in my life who wouldn't go out of their way. I so, so am truly thankful to everyone who offered me assistance when I asked. So I ask you, maybe there's that one person or the few, who you know are similiar to how I think, and well, take-a-hint.

So, Happy Birthday and I love you all. But I swear I'll kill you if you dare say that five-letter word. Oh, it's also Jeans for Genes Day, so wear jeans.