total Procrastination.

hell, I'm alive. Few things I got to my head around: STUDY, STUDY, STUDY. That's an understatement, My schedule is so full, I refuse to look at it. Keep thinking it's all gonna be okay, but I seriously need to crack down. Yes, so that's what I'll be doing for the next few weeks, I think. Probably won't have time to do some emotionally deep thinking (wow, do I said like the biggest emo of the century or what?).

things, things, things, I gotta do, do, do. Totally wants to chillaxx...

circumstances.

today's talk at church was something of a coincidence for me and what has happened throughout the week. How do I know I'm living the right way, God's way? During the week, on the way home from the city, I jumped onto my regular bus. This time round it was just past rush hour and emotions of stress were buzzing around everyone including me. Anyway, it was one of those buses that didn't permit prams to be let on unless you folded it and packed it away to the side. Then, what happened? As soon as the bus driver pushes the button to close the doors, a mother knocks on the door with her truck of a pram. I know, and everyone knows, that they can't help feel judgemental about this mother, she looked like a single mother who had a troubled lifestyle. So I sat on the bus, with my headphones in and buried my face in my book (still a coincidence?). I wanted to ignore what was going on, honestly who doesn't?

the mother was giving the bus driver a lot of trouble, edging him on how she needed to get home, but the bus driver was just doing his job and saying it was against regulations for him to let her on with her baby. She'd look like she lived in a life bordering poverty (by our social standards) and just needed a helping hand. You'd think, "just let her on!" but for me, I was against it. I know that seems really wrong for me to say coz at first you'd think I'm being cruel to this woman. But the truth is I knew her, and I had a feeling she knew me as well, although we were complete strangers. 

this woman is in fact, a regular on this bus. She also has her partner that occasionally accompanies her as well (that trip, she was alone with her baby). I knew this woman to the point where I observed her progress with her baby - the baby in her womb, the mother and her partner were gently holding hands. A couple of months later, a girl was being lifted into the bus, her 'father' giving all his attention to his treasure. As weeks turned into months, the baby starting to grow and the father becoming all the more distant and tired. On the rare instance, I caught a glimpse of the family passing through my campus, always the mother would shout and swear disturbing things to the father. 

so call me a bitch in saying that I was being judgemental. I wanted her to leave the bus driver alone and wait just another fifteen minutes for the next bus to come. But things didn't go my way, when another woman starting arguing her case to the bus driver, saying that the bus driver should let the mother and the child on and I quote "should just be a decent human being." Minutes passed and it was a struggle to get the pram onto the bus. I was quietly observing in and out of the commotion, hating myself for not assisting anyone. 

despite the reading and listening in my own world, I thought to myself (on my forty-five minute bus trip) why I was so bitter toward this mother. Why couldn't I be a decent human being? Given what I knew about her, I disliked the way she got away with the things the way that she did, people were always helping her. I'm bitter toward the lower class of our society because their circumstances. I know it's a bold and one-sided statement, but hear me out. We can play the blame with this, accusing society for not giving people a chance but, in the end, we are the choices we make. Consequently, we're stupid for not thinking about the results of our choices. I didn't hate the mother personally, I hated the way she choose to take advantage of her socially crippling lifestyle and forcing others to 'help' her. So, I didn't feel the need to sympathise for her, but I was also wrong to judge her for it.

by the time the bus arrived to the mother's desired bus stop, there was hardly anyone left, five passengers and the bus driver. Remember when I said, the bus driver struggled helping the mother with her pram? well, you really needed at least four people to help this woman out: the mother obviously held her child out, the bus driver holding the pram, another person to carry the mother's belongings (two bags, her purse, and a 2L coke bottle), and another to constantly hold the back door open (it'd shut close if you didn't hold it). We had three - the mother, the driver and surprise yours truly.

When I did my job, I didn't feel obligated to do it. That's the truth, what was going through my head at the time: there's obviously not enough people on the bus, what are of the chances that one of the other passengers would actually give would a crap? It was just logical, someone HAD too, but I didn't feel bitter about it when I helped out. Well, because she was already on the bus. In a story that centred me and my thoughts, it ended up being about her. That's the way it should be - about others.

"Wings".

i passed this book many times whenever I head into my bookstore, but to tell you the truth there wasn't much appeal whenever I picked it up. The novel focuses on a girl named Laurel and her life as a faery. Yes, a faery. Honestly, when I was younger, I wasn't the type of girl who dreamed of having fairy birthday parties and ever adoring tales of fairies and such. So I don't know what came over me, when I walked out of the store with this book is my hands. 

but like a lot of times, I tend to judge a book by its cover (and the first page). I read somewhere that someone considered the book as a 'twilight meets harry potter' book, but I think that's a total understatement. Sure, there is a frustrating love triangle and the realm of the faeries fit quite well for the mystical world of fantasy. Like I said before, I'm not a huge fan on fantasy, you know like the lord of the ring kind of detail is such a put off. But having said that, the book doesn't detail it a lot but at the same time makes me wonder about the faerry world that Laurel is introduced too.

what's cool about books and love triangles is that they're all different and none are comparable to each other. Honest to God, I'm team neutral and like Laurel completely undecided. This is totally sweet and would recommend you grab it fast. I'm hyped in reading the next installment of this four-part series. Also, Disney claimed filming rights to the novel and looks like it'll come out 2011/2012, Miley Cyrus is meant to be Laurel, which I think is perfect!

"Little Brother".

i really didn't know what to expect in this book when I read it, but a lot of contemporary and important issues were covered in the course of this book. You follow a seventeen year old boy named Marcus Yallow and his story begins with him being caught be the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) after a terrorist attack in San Francisco. Honestly, he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. So after he was cruelly interrogated by the DHS, Marcus sets out to seek justice for the DHS's wrong doing. You're probably thinking, how the hell can one boy take down the whole DHS? well, that's the other thing, he's a hard-core gamer and hacker. It gets the point in the novel where the DHS takes surveillance over everything - what you do in school, what activities you're participating, basically to the point where any American citizen is borderlining the road of a terrorist organization. 

now, to the more interesting part of the book, Marcus fights for what he believes in, in accordance to the American constitution. It's controversial in a sense that makes you fear your own national government. The book asks the readers many questions like what would you do if your government policed everything and accused you of everything you've ever done and do without giving you real reason, let alone a choice to prove yourself. Well, there are places that are already like that but to the point where the government suspects its own citizens and strips them away of all their liberties and freedom. That's a revolution for any modernised country. 

anyway, there's a fair amount of nerd language, where the book explains some of the most complex ideas about how to program and hack things on the internet. I learnt a lot of things like how people go to such lengths in online gaming, where people are out there making physical contact with another to complete a top secret mission.

this novel is actually really good coz when I finished reading it, feeling obscurely satisfied. I like how the book made me at times, doubt the main character in what he was fighting for. Pick it up and give it a read.

P.S. half of the reason why I grabbed this book off the shelf is coz there's an Asian character who's name is Van.

Time Riders 2.

so it was only just past a month ago when I picked up this series, and boy was I right to do so. This series is going to be a good one. The sequel is just as insane as the first. I like this series for a number of reasons. Firstly, who doesn't love the idea of time travel. Obviously, for those who roll their eyes and think of nothing but the paradox in time travelling, shame on you. This series in particular devoids that, the characters are alone and have to discover the consequences themselves.

this time round though, our lovable characters are taken back sixty-five million years ago. You know, I have to admit, I was kinda reluctant to read it, I'm not the biggest fan of the reptilian species but wow, this book seems to always surprise me. I like reading YA because it's so much more fun, I feel great whenever I read YA. Knowing that I read a lot more YA than adult genre books, I can say that I was quite comfortable to read this on the bus without feeling embarassed. I do like the cross-over books and this fits perfectly in it. The book is pretty much a movie anyway.

seriously pick it up coz it's worth the read and it's something I finish quite easily not coz it's a children's novel but because it's freaking awesome. Q: do I read a lot? because I don't think so.

little chefs.

Ahh! What can I say? Well, one thing that's for sure, if you're watching X factor over this, you've completely lost your minds. Not only does Masterchef scream deliciousness with such a diverse range of dishes but come on, the biggest chocolate fountain I've ever seen, and it's filled with kids. Kids who have a big passion for food. I can relate to them, since I was that passionate when I was younger but that's another story, go kids for making the effort. Although I have to admit, I'm quite hurt coz my level of cooking is no where near that level. But fear not, I'm inspired, so inspired that I'm going to tell you that nothing will come out it: I'm not gonna start my own recipe notebook or experiencing on tastes or to actually start cooking. I have pretty solid foundation when it comes to cooking but that's as far as I can go. I'm no Masterchef, but just enough to get by, and rub it in people's faces for those who can't actually cook.

so woop, switch those channels or go online to watch. I want those plastic knives!!

image: http://www.heraldsun.com.au/entertainment/junior-masterchef-rises-in-ratings-war-battle/story-e6frf96f-1225921454465

lonely.

this week's focal point: loneliness. When it comes to loneliness, I think it's cool to say that everyone at some point of lives have felt loneliness. Feeling alone when you have the house to yourself or having your bestest friend move away or breaking up with your partner, the list goes on. For me, I've felt the loneliness when I went overseas. Not having the physical present of your family or friends for two weeks was daunting and the whole society around you doesn't understand a word your saying. I mean I felt very vulnerable. 

i'm at the stage in my life where I don't care, well it's one of those things that doesn't concern me much as it should, kind of take on loneliness. I prefer it, but that's just personal preference. If it's anything to do with religion, I can say that yeah, God's with me. You know, but I'd be lying to you if I said I was like this all the time. There were times in the past where I'd think so hard and try to resolute to why I'm feeling abandoned and alone (to the point of tears). I don't think that way a lot now, and I have to thank God for cluttering my life with Him and junk. 

as for the social aspects, we now have things like social networking where we're all globally connected. But I think people would feel all the more lonely whenever they confide in things such as facebook and such. I know, look, I'm contradicting myself as we speak. But if' there's one thing I can say in defence is that, I think it's totally determined by our state of mind. Our attachment level to these things differ from person to person, I don't take facebook seriously, it's a good way to keep notified but it doesn't govern my life (I can say that proudly). I'm writing a new post now as a form of outlet, so my mind doesn't explode but I don't think I'm more lonely for starting one.

self-esteem is a big issue, as soon as you convince yourself that you're lonely, you begin to fall apart. Some people argue that you can't delude yourself because it's the truth, you have to look at what reality is showing you. Sure, I don't deny that. But what's the point in that? You're at a standstill because you're lost. So obviously the next step is how to get out of your shell of loneliness. And that's where things start to look brighter, because you know you're going to put that much effort in making your life better. 

people think in I'm denial of being lonely, but I don't care. I think people in general are intelligent beings to know when their lonely, so I don't need to remind myself or others everyday. Days go by without any drama, and that's life. We just got to suck it up and face another day; it's the cruel, inevitable way and it makes us that much stronger.

"The Graveyard Book".

just finished another book, children's of course (my personal preference). There are a couple of reasons why I decided to pick up this story. Firstly, it was by Neil Gaiman (need I say more), a great author who, I might add wrote Stardust as well. Also, because I needed to read something other than YA, so this seemed appropriate. 

it's story of a boy named Nobody Owens (strange name, I know), Bod for short, and he grows up living in a cemetery after his family is murdered by a character named 'the man Jack.' The story revolved around him and his adventures with the dead and the outside world, in which we would obviously call society. I have to say, it's quite a fascinating read, and you meet lovable characters along the way. The book itself won a number of awards itself, and I can see the reasons why. This story, I would have to say is an original. But if I had class it down, it's definitely of the darker side of horror, just enough for the kiddies to handle. I mean, come on, we're mostly it a cemetery.

having said that, I would recommend this one if you're a fan of Tim Burton and his interpretation on that kind of dark humour, The Corpse Bride in particular. I had a blast reading this one, totally worth reading again because Bod is a total gem.

sluggish.

blogging for more than a month now, and I'm finding that I'm always inconsistent with how I think. Five days of silence then, BAM, four new posts. But I guess that's okay, I just got to give myself time to think about and take in the events that happened during the week. That's me, I have a tendency to always space out during the week, well unless it's something ubberly out of the ordinary. Like a couple of days ago, something happened that made my self esteem sky rocket out of the window. Someone told me I was pretty. Okay, a complete stranger told me and the way he said it was kinda vulgar. But still. It sounds a lot worse when I'm saying it, but it wasn't that bad at all and I'm sure they have their reasons. Seriously, it was no creep, but I couldn't stop laughing the entire time we were talking. Of course I was weirded out but hey, the guy totally went out of his way to talk to me. Me, out of all the people. To be honest, it was dark but I just finished my dance class, so I was tired and in desparate need to freshen up and change clothes. But I have to say, I think that kinda courage will get him somewhere one day. Out of way honesty though, I was kinda asking for it, I have a tendency to stare at people who walk by (that's another story on why this is so). I've retold the story to a couple of people (things like these are obviously out of the norm for me) and I've had a lot of negative feedback. I can't see why, but I generally think people are nice. So, I know one of these days I'm gonna die for it. 

strangely enough, my reaction is to avoid that bus stop for a month, from here on out. There's no other way to describe it, but I'm a chicken shiet.

it's showtime.

spending an entire day with the people you love isn't enough for me. I had real fun with everyone and this does go to show that there should be no excuse to live like no tomorrow (storm? ha!). It's rare that I go to the show, I mean it's pretty mediocre in terms of entertainment. Same old, same old but I guess that's what makes it fun. For me, the food pavilion is my haven. I would want to go to the show again just so I could properly ask about the food I wanted to buy. Anyway aside from that, I had a blast with everyone, but honestly had to agree with the older ones, this time round. Where do the young ones get all the energy from?! Tell me, coz I want some.

looking back on the day, I think I needed to go on some recreational adventure. You think in life, you don't need it but I wouldn't take it back if you asked me to. Having days like this, no matter where you are, just spending some good quality time without all the cliches in the world, not giving a crap about what other people think about you, makes you feel good. Without too much over-analysing, this is good (I'm getting somewhere, don't you worry). I find myself on most occasions not ever feeling down right happy. The way I think gets the better of me most of the time; I feel like I'm not privileged enough or don't have the right to feel happy without worrying about something, my recent birthday for instance. So, I think this is good for me - damn straight if I want to laugh at all the funny and frightening moments that happened at the show, because well, I think we all deserved to have pure fun once in a while.

Great day guys.